Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
