i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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