I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
