How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
