Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
