I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Congratulations! We have a period
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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