Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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