the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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