So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
