I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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