Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't put those talents on a resume
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
