Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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