just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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