Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Let's get the cat blown out
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
