The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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