I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
