Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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