I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
