we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
