Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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