a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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