dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
