I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
