Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
