what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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