Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
