i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
