Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
