his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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