Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
And then he peed in my hair
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