That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
