dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
