nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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