Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
