Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The air was thick with penises
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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