ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
