You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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