I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You are the jesus of drinking
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
