I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
