If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
