why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
