About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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