walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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