you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
