then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
