My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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