Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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