i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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