I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
