Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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