I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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